[ he winces, remembering the last time they shared nightmares. okay, note to self: texting--ie, writing--does not save you from being an idiot while communicating. makes him miss the days when you still had to put pen to paper in order to communicate across distances. ]
Stop that, you're smart. I mean, all the times you call things by the wrong name? On "accident"? It's impressive how well you match up words and get them completely wrong at the same time. Takes a big vocabulary.
If you ever see me at the mall, expect the apocalypse. Only reason I'd be in one.
[ ...the Judge. God, he really is an idiot. ]
You know, on second thought, maybe I will go to the mall during the day. And spontaneously combust. A fitting end, and then I won't keep sticking my foot in my mouth. Or on the keyboard, as it were.
Are you sure you want me to thank her? Because this is starting to seem like a really bad idea to me. Me texting in general. I think I'm worse at it than actually talking.
you're sweet i'll be sure to tell giles, the next time i ruin the monster of the week's name or mispronounce some ancient scroll in one of his textbooks, it's bec i have a big vocabulary
( the Judge. the sprinklers. the promise she would... oh, this is fun. at least he hasn't learned there's an app to see each other in real time and talk. because that would have just been the icing on this memory lane cake. )
no mall and no combusting of any sort, are we clear? you'll only be creating more work for me by having to find a spell to resurrect you, then procure all the needed items to perform the spell and i have finals this week
yes, i'm sure it's one of her better ideas but don't tell her i said that
look you'll get the hang of texting and also get to witness me also sticking my foot in my mouth from time to time
besides any chance, or any way i get to talk to you is always worth it to me
Edited (lane. land. i hate words.) 2022-03-11 12:30 am (UTC)
You're smart, Buffy. I'm not entirely sure why you don't want people to realize just how much, although I have my theories. But don't worry, your secret's safe with me.
You would resurrect me, too. You'll do great on finals. You're smart, remember. I don't fall in love with dumb women. So see, you must be extra smart.
[ despite just eluding to it, he wants to outright say he loves her. if they were in person, he'd stutter before stopping himself mid-sentence. so he supposes texting does have its good points. ]
I'd better let you go, so you can study. Or go kill things. Hopefully get some rest between doing those things. I just wanted to let you know about the phone. And you can text me whenever you want. That's handy.
I do miss hearing your voice tho
[ no punctuation, he hits send before he can think better of it. ]
so not just one theory, you have multiple i don't know if i should be impressed or offended? but good, keep my secret i don't need it getting out that i have beauty, brawn and brains enough people dislike me already
now that i know it can be done, no one and nothing would stop me from bringing you back
( would you look at that. her turn to bring up a memory. one she will always feel guilty for, even if it had been the right ─ the only call to make in order to keep Acathla from sucking their world into his hell. )
the boost of confidence is exactly what i needed thank you 😘
i'm done studying and done slaying for the night i'm headed back to the dorms for some sleep, now
( she, on the other hand, deletes her, i miss your voice, too. instead typing─ )
you can always call i know everyone tends to default to texting nowadays but maybe i'm a little old fashioned in that i like to talk, actually talk to people especially you
so if you ever decide you miss my voice enough, you can call me instead
Why would you be offended? If nothing else, it gets people to underestimate you, which you're very good at using to your advantage.
[ he knows she feels guilty about that, but this is one memory he... well, he does mind, it wasn't exactly a walk in the park for him - but he's forgiven her; forgave her before he was even brought back, because he'd known, could see that she hadn't realized what was happening until it was too late. and if he had the chance to send Angelus on a one-way trip to a hell dimension, he absolutely wouldn't hesitate, either. ]
I'll call sometime. I like texting because it can sit for a while if one of us is busy. We both lead very active lives. I like listening to you, so that works out great.
( if she can't wake up next to him, then this ─ a voice message from him, is the next best thing, she's decided.
but seeing as he's probably headed to bed, or getting ready to, she dials him back and leaves her own.
except the thing with audio is ─ she can't go back and erase her words. and she's too busy running late to actually delete the entire message. )
Clearly you've forgotten what I look like when I first wake up. Allow me to jog your memory. A rats nest for a head of hair and horrible, horrible morning breath. Which reminds me.
( that noise in the background? it's the faucet running as she brushes her teeth and... keeps on talking. )
Mmm bu thak oo for the ver goo ego boost─ ( she spits and rinses. ) ─again.
I'm on my way to class. I'll text you later though? ( a pause as she remembers: )Voice mail, not you on the phone. Duh. Anyway, good night.
[ he texts her when he wakes up mid-afternoon. he's not sure when she has class or when her last one ends, so for now he'll text, until they can figure out a time to talk, instead of playing "phone tag." ]
I remember perfectly what you look like when you wake up. Beautiful.
[ he remembers what it's like to fall asleep and wake up beside her, too. his one day-that-never-happened is what got him to propose this new try at their relationship, after he saw her number in his contacts. he's still not sure why cordelia put it in there, when she's always so vocal about not wanting them to be around each other because of how he acts afterwards, but he's really going to have to thank her. he wonders if she needs new shoes, or a handbag or something. maybe a day at the spa. ]
If you want, after classes end we might try that whole "talking on the phone" thing you mentioned. Otherwise, I don't mind texting between doing other things.
( today is her long day. classes extending all the way into the early evening. but, just before her last one, she sees his message. how? because her phone is glued to her hands when she isn't in class, or training, or anything dangerous. patrol doesn't count because that's not terribly dangerous. )
i'm p sure no one is allowed to be this smooth over text
( most guys just send dick picks. to which Buffy has been the receiver more times than she can count and all of them from guys she didn't know. )
we can def try that i don't get out until late and right from class i need to head out and patrol but after? also willow says hi apparently i smile now when looking at my phone so she asked what was up and i blabbed
I think only people who've had a bicentennial are allowed to be this smooth, especially when it comes to written communication.
So Willow's... OK with you texting the guy who broke your heart and walked out on you, then showed up and skulked in the shadows to help without letting you know he was there?
I think you're underestimating how many old vampires there are. Once you reach a certain age, you learn to lay low, stay off the radar of anyone who might be a threat, so you can live longer. Or you get cursed by gypsies.
Yeah well, that's her job as the best friend. Right?
Oh good, performance anxiety. That's gonna help me be smooth.
Can I call you beautiful again? Or tell you I miss you? Because both are true. And anything else I say might... make both of us sad.
i was actully trying to be funny which clearly didn't work and now you've witnessed me failing miserably both in person and through text yay
it's one of the many jobs of bff she's a little scarier than most with the whole practicing wiccan thing she has going on so you might wanna step up your nice game with me just saying :D
look at that you're already doing a good job (and v smoothly might i add) almost to the point this could be taken as flirting almost because it's not flirting . . . is it? i mean not that it matters bec i like what you said either way
I turned it into a different kind of joke. Which apparently wasn't funny.
I am being nice! Besides what's she gonna do? Curse me to feel guilty all the time? Oh, wait.
[ he really needs to stop making jokes about his curse. but he's tired of tiptoeing around it, especially now that buffy's seen first-hand why he got it. ]
I kinda thought that's what we agreed we could do? Flirt long-distance? I mean that kinda seems between a relationship I can't exactly give you, and nothing.
If you want me to stop, I will. And I don't just mean now. Just. Any time you decide it's not--what you want anymore.
[ if anybody is failing miserably at this, it's definitely angel, bringing the whole mood down. ]
it was funny! i mean sort of? probably funnier in person tho yanno where i can see your reaction to telling the joke
( she's being completely serious, too. she can tell, even if no one else can, when he's making a joke. somehow. )
okay see that? that was def funny even through text but on a serious note she could come up with a way to make you pay she could curse you with terrible fashion sense, taking away one of your best traits
we did! and we are! so don't stop flirting i'm just scattered brained trying to get to my last class across campus and trying to avoid people going to parties already and texting you and trying to remember what building they moved this class to after there was an incident in the last one which btw totally not my fault for once and the stopping goes both ways anytime it gets to be too much or feels like it will be, just tell me and i'll deal
I appreciate that you think I'm funny at all, even if it's only in person.
I also appreciate you think I have good fashion sense, since I've already been told this week that I need to stop buying clothes with the criteria of 'can I throw this on in the dark where no one can see me clearly?' and 'will I look good in this while brooding?'
You know telling me "don't stop flirting" ensures I'm going to stop, right? Like I said: performance anxiety. I can't do it on command, it has to come naturally. And if we keep talking about it, that just ensures that it will never come naturally, ever again.
Wow, college really is different than high school. Someone else causing destruction of school property?
Flirting across 100 miles isn't going to be the problem, for me. That's just about the perfect amount of angst to keep me not-happy. But I want you to be happy. Completely happy. If me being part of your life, being selfish and wanting to keep what little we can have, ever gets in the way of that you have to let me know. Maybe someday I can actually let you go. But until then, if you need me to, I can at least pretend.
it's true though, you have incredible fashion sense for someone who wears only dark colors tell cordelia, i'm assuming it was cordelia who told you this? unless you know someone else who would make a very astute observation about your clothing choices? anyway tell her, or whoever it is, there's nothing wrong with your clothes if she still gives you a hard time then go buy sweatpants and sweatshirts she'll back pedal real fast, you'll see
leave it to you to make texting complicated for me thanks 😐 anyway consider this me not expecting flirting but if it happens it happens and just know i'm okay with it obviously oh and this is me now dropping the flirting conversation entirely so no anxiety
i see your wow and raise you an ow bec that was harsh but also fair yes, someone other than me caused the destruction frat boys threw a party and let's just say they know how to cause damage without summoning demons or so i hear
believe me when i say i'm happy with this, with you is it what i pictured? not really but it's good different but good and not to be a killjoy but us splitting up wasn't my choice, remember? i never wanted you to go or to not be a part of my life so me ending things has all signs pointing to not gonna happen
[ he almost reminds her about doyle, before realizing that she hasn't actually met doyle... except in his own memory. ]
Doyle has worse fashion sense or maybe it's just 'no fashion sense' I'm not sure which one is worse honestly. Yes it was Cordelia I'll tell her, and keep the sweats idea just in case.
texting is complicated for me, I'm just spreading the misery I'm kinda known for that around the office, at least.
How does it feel, not being automatically blamed for property destruction?
Buffy... Look. I stand by my decision to leave, and not just for the reasons I gave you. I don't trust myself with you. And I don't trust the curse, or what constitutes "perfect happiness." I think you should see what it's like, to be yourself, instead of you-and-me, for a while. And I don't mean this in a 'childish' way, but you've got growing up to do, learning to be independent and me hanging around wasn't going to help. And considering - and I will deny saying this if you ever bring it up again - Spike was right and we can't really be "just" friends removing myself seemed like the best option.
Could I have handled it better? Almost absolutely. I still think I made the right choice at the time I'm just... too selfish to see it through the way I'd thought was best.
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Comments
Stop that, you're smart. I mean, all the times you call things by the wrong name? On "accident"? It's impressive how well you match up words and get them completely wrong at the same time. Takes a big vocabulary.
If you ever see me at the mall, expect the apocalypse. Only reason I'd be in one.
[ ...the Judge. God, he really is an idiot. ]
You know, on second thought, maybe I will go to the mall during the day. And spontaneously combust. A fitting end, and then I won't keep sticking my foot in my mouth. Or on the keyboard, as it were.
Are you sure you want me to thank her? Because this is starting to seem like a really bad idea to me.
Me texting in general. I think I'm worse at it than actually talking.
i'll be sure to tell giles, the next time i ruin the monster of the week's name
or mispronounce some ancient scroll in one of his textbooks, it's bec i have a big vocabulary
( the Judge. the sprinklers. the promise she would... oh, this is fun. at least he hasn't learned there's an app to see each other in real time and talk. because that would have just been the icing on this memory lane cake. )
no mall and no combusting of any sort, are we clear?
you'll only be creating more work for me by having to find a spell to resurrect you, then procure all the needed items to perform the spell
and i have finals this week
yes, i'm sure
it's one of her better ideas
but don't tell her i said that
look
you'll get the hang of texting and also get to witness me also sticking my foot in my mouth from time to time
besides
any chance, or any way i get to talk to you is always worth it to me
Edited (lane. land. i hate words.) 2022-03-11 12:30 am (UTC)
You would resurrect me, too.
You'll do great on finals. You're smart, remember. I don't fall in love with dumb women. So see, you must be extra smart.
[ despite just eluding to it, he wants to outright say he loves her. if they were in person, he'd stutter before stopping himself mid-sentence. so he supposes texting does have its good points. ]
I'd better let you go, so you can study. Or go kill things. Hopefully get some rest between doing those things.
I just wanted to let you know about the phone.
And you can text me whenever you want. That's handy.
I do miss hearing your voice tho
[ no punctuation, he hits send before he can think better of it. ]
1/2
i don't know if i should be impressed or offended?
but good, keep my secret
i don't need it getting out that i have beauty, brawn and brains
enough people dislike me already
now that i know it can be done, no one and nothing would stop me from bringing you back
( would you look at that. her turn to bring up a memory. one she will always feel guilty for, even if it had been the right ─ the only call to make in order to keep Acathla from sucking their world into his hell. )
the boost of confidence is exactly what i needed
thank you
😘
i'm done studying and done slaying for the night
i'm headed back to the dorms for some sleep, now
( she, on the other hand, deletes her, i miss your voice, too. instead typing─ )
you can always call
i know everyone tends to default to texting nowadays but maybe i'm a little old fashioned in that i like to talk, actually talk to people
especially you
so if you ever decide you miss my voice enough, you can call me instead
[ he knows she feels guilty about that, but this is one memory he... well, he does mind, it wasn't exactly a walk in the park for him - but he's forgiven her; forgave her before he was even brought back, because he'd known, could see that she hadn't realized what was happening until it was too late. and if he had the chance to send Angelus on a one-way trip to a hell dimension, he absolutely wouldn't hesitate, either. ]
I'll call sometime. I like texting because it can sit for a while if one of us is busy. We both lead very active lives.
I like listening to you, so that works out great.
2/2
ftr i miss your voice, too
Good morning, beautiful.
but seeing as he's probably headed to bed, or getting ready to, she dials him back and leaves her own.
except the thing with audio is ─ she can't go back and erase her words. and she's too busy running late to actually delete the entire message. )
Clearly you've forgotten what I look like when I first wake up. Allow me to jog your memory. A rats nest for a head of hair and horrible, horrible morning breath. Which reminds me.
( that noise in the background? it's the faucet running as she brushes her teeth and... keeps on talking. )
Mmm bu thak oo for the ver goo ego boost─ ( she spits and rinses. ) ─again.
I'm on my way to class. I'll text you later though? ( a pause as she remembers: )Voice mail, not you on the phone. Duh. Anyway, good night.
I remember perfectly what you look like when you wake up. Beautiful.
[ he remembers what it's like to fall asleep and wake up beside her, too. his one day-that-never-happened is what got him to propose this new try at their relationship, after he saw her number in his contacts. he's still not sure why cordelia put it in there, when she's always so vocal about not wanting them to be around each other because of how he acts afterwards, but he's really going to have to thank her. he wonders if she needs new shoes, or a handbag or something. maybe a day at the spa. ]
If you want, after classes end we might try that whole "talking on the phone" thing you mentioned. Otherwise, I don't mind texting between doing other things.
i'm p sure no one is allowed to be this smooth over text
( most guys just send dick picks. to which Buffy has been the receiver more times than she can count and all of them from guys she didn't know. )
we can def try that
i don't get out until late and right from class i need to head out and patrol
but after?
also willow says hi
apparently i smile now when looking at my phone so she asked what was up and i blabbed
So Willow's... OK with you texting the guy who broke your heart and walked out on you, then showed up and skulked in the shadows to help without letting you know he was there?
...see, smooth only lasts for so long.
:P
oh no
she's totally not okay with me texting the jerk (her word not mine) who crushed her bff's heart
but she is polite
i'll give you a do-over
say something smooth next and i'll forget you were ever not!smooth
Or you get cursed by gypsies.
Yeah well, that's her job as the best friend. Right?
Oh good, performance anxiety. That's gonna help me be smooth.
Can I call you beautiful again? Or tell you I miss you? Because both are true. And anything else I say might... make both of us sad.
which clearly didn't work and now you've witnessed me failing miserably both in person and through text
yay
it's one of the many jobs of bff
she's a little scarier than most with the whole practicing wiccan thing she has going on
so you might wanna step up your nice game with me
just saying
:D
look at that
you're already doing a good job
(and v smoothly might i add)
almost to the point this could be taken as flirting
almost
because it's not flirting
. . .
is it?
i mean
not that it matters bec i like what you said either way
ftr i miss you too
I am being nice!
Besides what's she gonna do? Curse me to feel guilty all the time?
Oh, wait.
[ he really needs to stop making jokes about his curse. but he's tired of tiptoeing around it, especially now that buffy's seen first-hand why he got it. ]
I kinda thought that's what we agreed we could do? Flirt long-distance? I mean that kinda seems between a relationship I can't exactly give you, and nothing.
If you want me to stop, I will.
And I don't just mean now. Just. Any time you decide it's not--what you want anymore.
[ if anybody is failing miserably at this, it's definitely angel, bringing the whole mood down. ]
i mean
sort of?
probably funnier in person tho
yanno where i can see your reaction to telling the joke
( she's being completely serious, too. she can tell, even if no one else can, when he's making a joke. somehow. )
okay see that?
that was def funny even through text
but on a serious note
she could come up with a way to make you pay
she could curse you with terrible fashion sense, taking away one of your best traits
we did!
and we are!
so don't stop flirting
i'm just scattered brained trying to get to my last class across campus and trying to avoid people going to parties already and texting you and trying to remember what building they moved this class to after there was an incident in the last one
which btw totally not my fault for once
and the stopping goes both ways
anytime it gets to be too much or feels like it will be, just tell me and i'll deal
I also appreciate you think I have good fashion sense, since I've already been told this week that I need to stop buying clothes with the criteria of 'can I throw this on in the dark where no one can see me clearly?' and 'will I look good in this while brooding?'
You know telling me "don't stop flirting" ensures I'm going to stop, right?
Like I said: performance anxiety. I can't do it on command, it has to come naturally.
And if we keep talking about it, that just ensures that it will never come naturally, ever again.
Wow, college really is different than high school. Someone else causing destruction of school property?
Flirting across 100 miles isn't going to be the problem, for me.
That's just about the perfect amount of angst to keep me not-happy.
But I want you to be happy. Completely happy.
If me being part of your life, being selfish and wanting to keep what little we can have, ever gets in the way of that
you have to let me know.
Maybe someday I can actually let you go.
But until then, if you need me to, I can at least pretend.
tell cordelia, i'm assuming it was cordelia who told you this? unless you know someone else who would make a very astute observation about your clothing choices?
anyway
tell her, or whoever it is, there's nothing wrong with your clothes
if she still gives you a hard time then go buy sweatpants and sweatshirts
she'll back pedal real fast, you'll see
leave it to you to make texting complicated for me
thanks
😐
anyway
consider this me not expecting flirting but if it happens it happens and just know i'm okay with it
obviously
oh and this is me now dropping the flirting conversation entirely so no anxiety
i see your wow and raise you an ow
bec that was harsh
but also fair
yes, someone other than me caused the destruction
frat boys threw a party and let's just say they know how to cause damage without summoning demons
or so i hear
believe me when i say i'm happy
with this, with you
is it what i pictured?
not really but it's good
different but good
and not to be a killjoy but us splitting up wasn't my choice, remember?
i never wanted you to go or to not be a part of my life
so me ending things has all signs pointing to not gonna happen
Doyle has worse fashion sense
or maybe it's just 'no fashion sense'
I'm not sure which one is worse honestly.
Yes it was Cordelia
I'll tell her, and keep the sweats idea just in case.
texting is complicated for me, I'm just spreading the misery
I'm kinda known for that
around the office, at least.
How does it feel, not being automatically blamed for property destruction?
Buffy...
Look. I stand by my decision to leave, and not just for the reasons I gave you.
I don't trust myself with you. And I don't trust the curse, or what constitutes "perfect happiness."
I think you should see what it's like, to be yourself, instead of you-and-me, for a while.
And I don't mean this in a 'childish' way, but you've got growing up to do, learning to be independent
and me hanging around wasn't going to help.
And considering - and I will deny saying this if you ever bring it up again - Spike was right
and we can't really be "just" friends
removing myself seemed like the best option.
Could I have handled it better? Almost absolutely.
I still think I made the right choice at the time
I'm just... too selfish to see it through the way I'd thought was best.