Reaching up, Angel rubs at his forehead uncomfortably. He's not going to lie to her, though, and frankly he should've told her about it when it happened. Really, he should have discussed all this with her. But where Joyce had said Buffy had dealt with so much and had to grow up fast, even Joyce forgot that she was still just a girl sometimes - it was all Angel could ever think about. He loved her, and he wanted to protect her from the harsh realities of the world, which most definitely included himself, and he always tended to forget that Buffy already dealt with the harshness, every night. Her age, at this point, mattered about as much as his; where he was still making stupid decisions 250 years in, she was making the hard decisions after barely 18. He'd been right when he told Joyce they were from completely separate worlds; the difference was, Buffy's world was better, in large part because she made better choices than he did.
"Remember that night before Prom, we'd gotten back late and you fell asleep at the mansion? It was that next morning, she stopped by." He can't help the short, mirthless laugh when she questions what gave him the right to talk about her life behind her back, tipping his head back and scrubbing his hands over his face. "Arrogance," he says bleakly, still with a humorless smile playing faintly on his lips. "Not the first time my arrogance has damned me, probably won't be the last."
At her threats, he smiles wanly. "Deal." ...before his expression dips into mild confusion. "Even though I don't know what either of those are, I'm pretty sure I don't want to be on the receiving end."
He's going to tell her about the Day That Wasn't. But that is going to wait until after her exams. It will throw everything off and upset her too much, and not knowing isn't going to change anything, for the next week. "Doyle had a thing for Cordy, did I tell you that?" he asks quietly, looking at his hands again. "He didn't want to say anything, because she wasn't shy about her opinion that all demons are evil and 'gross'. Ken being such a nice guy and still trying to eat Doyle's brain didn't really help her opinion, and Doyle had his own issues with his demon side, so he just--didn't say anything. She found out─ on the last mission we had, where─." He takes a moment to breathe shakily, trying to center himself and get his emotions in check. "And I can't help but think... What if he'd told her? What's the worst that could've happened? She took a few weeks to be mad at him, before giving him a chance? Awkwardness around the office? I wish that's what happened, instead of the red eyes and kleenexes and sad looks when she thinks I can't see her. She went looking for Doyle's coffee mug, but he didn't have one, not a favorite one he always used, and she─ shouldn't he have one? Some tangible proof that he'd been there, something she could see..."
He sighs, rubbing his hand over his face again, before tilting his head to look at her sideways. "I love you. And I don't want something to happen, to either of us, and have the other regret... I don't know what us looks like, anymore. But I want... I want us back, whatever shape that is. We've done all, and we've done nothing, and I wanna see if we can strike a balance between the two."
no subject
Reaching up, Angel rubs at his forehead uncomfortably. He's not going to lie to her, though, and frankly he should've told her about it when it happened. Really, he should have discussed all this with her. But where Joyce had said Buffy had dealt with so much and had to grow up fast, even Joyce forgot that she was still just a girl sometimes - it was all Angel could ever think about. He loved her, and he wanted to protect her from the harsh realities of the world, which most definitely included himself, and he always tended to forget that Buffy already dealt with the harshness, every night. Her age, at this point, mattered about as much as his; where he was still making stupid decisions 250 years in, she was making the hard decisions after barely 18. He'd been right when he told Joyce they were from completely separate worlds; the difference was, Buffy's world was better, in large part because she made better choices than he did.
"Remember that night before Prom, we'd gotten back late and you fell asleep at the mansion? It was that next morning, she stopped by." He can't help the short, mirthless laugh when she questions what gave him the right to talk about her life behind her back, tipping his head back and scrubbing his hands over his face. "Arrogance," he says bleakly, still with a humorless smile playing faintly on his lips. "Not the first time my arrogance has damned me, probably won't be the last."
At her threats, he smiles wanly. "Deal." ...before his expression dips into mild confusion. "Even though I don't know what either of those are, I'm pretty sure I don't want to be on the receiving end."
He's going to tell her about the Day That Wasn't. But that is going to wait until after her exams. It will throw everything off and upset her too much, and not knowing isn't going to change anything, for the next week. "Doyle had a thing for Cordy, did I tell you that?" he asks quietly, looking at his hands again. "He didn't want to say anything, because she wasn't shy about her opinion that all demons are evil and 'gross'. Ken being such a nice guy and still trying to eat Doyle's brain didn't really help her opinion, and Doyle had his own issues with his demon side, so he just--didn't say anything. She found out─ on the last mission we had, where─." He takes a moment to breathe shakily, trying to center himself and get his emotions in check. "And I can't help but think... What if he'd told her? What's the worst that could've happened? She took a few weeks to be mad at him, before giving him a chance? Awkwardness around the office? I wish that's what happened, instead of the red eyes and kleenexes and sad looks when she thinks I can't see her. She went looking for Doyle's coffee mug, but he didn't have one, not a favorite one he always used, and she─ shouldn't he have one? Some tangible proof that he'd been there, something she could see..."
He sighs, rubbing his hand over his face again, before tilting his head to look at her sideways. "I love you. And I don't want something to happen, to either of us, and have the other regret... I don't know what us looks like, anymore. But I want... I want us back, whatever shape that is. We've done all, and we've done nothing, and I wanna see if we can strike a balance between the two."